Not every misunderstanding needs to be fixed. That’s a tough pill to swallow if you’re someone who cherishes clarity, connection, or simply being understood for who you truly are. It’s only natural to want to explain things—to provide context, clear up any mistaken intentions, or ensure your feelings aren’t lost in translation.
But just before I begin the process of explaining myself, I’ve started pondering first: Is this misunderstanding really about fostering connection… or is it more about control?
In close relationships—whether they’re personal or professional—miscommunication deserves a tender touch. I still believe in clarity, and I believe in showing up when someone genuinely seeks to understand. When the aim is to build deeper trust, offering explanations isn’t just worthwhile—it’s an act of generosity.
But that’s not always the case.
Sometimes, misunderstandings don’t stem from genuine curiosity. They’re molded by bias, ego, or assumptions that people aren’t ready—or willing—to examine. You can sense the difference. It’s in the way someone listens just enough to respond, but not to understand. It’s in the way they twist your words into a narrative that suits their preconceived notions. It’s in that silent tug-of-war where you’re not being invited into a conversation—you’re being put on trial.
And in those moments, explaining yourself doesn’t create connection. It turns into a performance. A defense. An attempt to manage someone else’s comfort or perception.
That’s emotional over-functioning: when you take on the task of handling both your experience and someone else’s. When you bear the weight of their reaction along with your own truth. And it’s draining.
I’ve learned to recognize the difference. I’ve learned to pause before diving into explanation. To ask myself: Is this person moving closer? Or am I the only one reaching out?
Because true connection makes space for nuance. It welcomes context. It doesn’t demand perfection—or proof.
Not every story about you needs rewriting. Not every version of you that’s circulating requires correction. If someone insists on seeing you through a lens that doesn’t reflect your reality, you can choose to step back. You can remain kind. And you can decide not to engage.
That’s not avoidance. It’s wisdom.
Because people who genuinely want to understand you will ask better questions. And the rest? They’re often not really listening anyway.
